Ah, dating. I remember those roller-coaster days of highs & lows only too well. To be honest, I didn’t always enjoy dating, and looking back now (hellooo hindsight!), I wish I’d been more relaxed about it.
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely had many memorable dates and experiences in my twenties, but my biggest problem for many years, was comparison. Let me explain…
When I had my heart-broken at 24 from the man I thought I would marry, every man I dated and even fell in love with for many years thereafter, I compared to Robbie. The problem was that I’d put Robbie up on a shiny pedestal, one so bright and high, it was almost impossible for a man to become the object of my affection. They just couldn’t match how I felt about him.
You see I had developed something you may be familiar with yourself…expectations. For a very long time, every man I dated I expected certain things from. I expected them to treat me a certain way, to make me feel a certain way, to look and act a certain way…the list goes on.
What You Can Learn From Me…
1. Have a beginners mind when dating someone new. I so wish I understood this 10 years ago! If you’re going through a break-up, definitely nurture yourself and take the time you need to grieve the relationship and heal. Once you feel ready to get back out into the dating world, clean your slate and be open to connection, no matter what preconceived ideas you have about men/women, dating and relationships.
2. First impression don’t always count. Have you read my story about the beautiful man I’m in a loving relationship with now? I knocked him back for 6 months before I let him take me out on a date! Even though he didn’t fit ‘the mold’ (aka expectations), underneath the layers was everything I had wanted from a relationship. So next time someone asks you out on a date that you feel a little unsure about – give ’em a go anyway!
3. Have fun. Sure, you might end up dating a few duds, but hey, at least it got you out of the house and out of your comfort zone! There certainly won’t be sparks flying with every person you date, but who’s to say you won’t have fun anyway? I think I let myself be disappointed too often when I was dating. If I had given myself permission to have a beginners mind, didn’t focus so much on first impressions and just enjoyed the experience and had fun, then who knows…maybe one of the ‘dud dates’ I went on in my twenties would’ve turned into something pretty spectacular!
For the single ladies reading this, with a big open heart, I truly do hope this has made you view dating a little differently. Learn from me beauty! Enjoy this time of your life and HAVE FUN!
Would love to hear from you…how do you view dating? Do you go out on dates with a clean slate, or do your expectations creep in? Leave a comment below