It hit me hard, right in my heart. One of my closest friends had literally shut me out of her life. The door to our beautiful friendship had been closed and I was left in a perpetual state of sadness and longing…
Longing for her to reply to my texts, calls and emails.
Longing for her forgiveness (even though I felt it was a mutual difference in opinion).
Longing to just talk-it-out and solve the problem.
But I was powerless.
This beautiful friend of mine who’s friendship I valued deeply, had her own way of dealing with things and it was the complete antithesis to the way I dealt with things.
And here’s where the overall characterisation of horoscopes (and personalities) comes into play.
Gemini (me) vs Virgo (her).
Gemini’s are governed by their need to communicate and Virgo’s like to have their emotional distance and require patience from others – not something Gemini’s are good at!
Learning to surrender to the situation at hand was by no means an easy feat, especially when every cell in my body was crying out for resolution.
I found myself in a rich dichotomy of wishing we could sort out the issue, to standing in my power and blocking her (and the pain I was feeling) out.
But neither of these methods was working out for me, as the potential loss of our friendship was dawning upon me.
Then one day weeks later I received a message from her stating that she just “needed time and space” and that she would “contact me when feeling ready”, and all of a sudden there was hope.
In what seemed like a nano-second I was able to surrender fully as I saw some light amongst the darkness. The door that had been firmly shut was ever so slightly beginning to crack open, and I felt a glimmer of hope wash all over me.
I could surrender now as the one thing I wanted so badly (contact / communication) had been granted, mildly, but enough for me to give in and allow it to just play out…no matter what the end result was.
And play out it did.
We eventually talked, agreed, disagreed, cried, laughed and slowly began the delicate dance of rebuilding our friendship.
Roughly 8 months on now our friendship feels strong again and the fall out feels like a distant memory.
Dealing with friendships that fall out…
My story (gratefully) had a happy ending, but it doesn’t always work out this way unfortunately. And when it doesn’t it is very difficult to deal with.
Your besties (aka sisters) are your ‘kindred spirits’ and the bond is hard to replace.
The things you share, experience and talk about with a bestie fill you up in a way that no one else can. And this is why so many women crave this sisterhood.
We crave connection, first and foremost. Connection and a sense of belonging which are Universal feelings.
If you’ve gone through or are going through a fall out with a friend, below are some helpful tips to help you deal with the situation:
1. Give each other space. Also known as the ‘cooling off’ period, this is important to let your anger/ hurt subside and look at the situation objectively. This could be anything from a couple of days to a full week, but anything longer than that and you risk further damage to the relationship.
2. Look at the situation from your friend’s point of view. This is a true marker of maturity. Tell your friend you want to understand where she’s coming from, and that you’d like to chat in person to work it out. If she’s not ready to do this, respect her need for space and give it some time before reaching out to her again.
3. Send her an email. Sometimes it can be easier to express yourself in writing than in person. Your thoughts are usually more linear and there’s no interruptions or emotions to get in the way. Make it known to her that you want to hear her side of the story and that her friendship means so much to you. Try making it light-hearted and poke fun at yourself or the situation rather than the issue itself. It’s ok to want to get your point of view across as well, but it’s always best to share your thoughts in person.
4. Practice forgiveness. Whether you betrayed or were betrayed by (or if it feels pretty mutual), practicing forgiveness is the key to moving forward. I talk about forgiveness in depth in the 48 page sample of my eBook Falling In Love Again. Head here to download your free copy if you haven’t already, and learn my strategies for forgiveness.
If for whatever reason the friendship isn’t able to recover, as hard as it is to come to terms with this, please take comfort in knowing this…
People and friendships will come in and out of your life like the ebb and flow of life itself. It’s normal to have disagreements and arguments with those who are closest to you, and sometimes these altercations will result in the end of a relationship. It’s natural and it happens to all of us.
Always ask yourself what you learnt from the situation and also what you taught.
Know that you are deserving of love and friendship and ‘kindred spirits’ multiple times throughout your life.
There’s a new sister and sisterhood awaiting you xx
OVER TO YOU:
Have you ever gone through a fall out with a friend? How did you deal with it? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below and if you know of someone who might benefit from reading this, feel free to share it.