Ah breakups, we’ve all been there. They truly do suck with a capital S. They suck even more if you were the dumpee and you still deeply love your ex. Unrequited love is a painful thing but something that is shared by many.
Trust me when I say I have been there and wholeheartedly understand the pain you are experiencing. If you’re new to my blog and haven’t read my story of heartbreak, you can do so by heading here.
Whether you’re going through a breakup now or have recently, I hope my tips below help you move through this time with more ease.
7 ways to deal with a breakup…
1. In the early stages of a breakup, let your emotions be heard. Feel them, let them surface and then release them. There’s obviously a time and place to do this, usually in privacy or in the company of people you trust will support you. What you want to avoid doing is pushing your emotions down instead of releasing them. Cry as much as you need to, scream into a pillow, have alone time. Whatever you need to feel what you need to feel.
2. Journal your heart out. This is one of my favourite healing techniques as it gets all the emotions you’re feeling out on paper and helps you process these feelings. You may even find it helpful writing a letter to your ex explaining your feelings of hurt, anger, confusion and love for him, and then burning it. If you truly do sense there may be a chance of reconciliation, you may choose to send the letter to him, but think wisely before going through with this. Make sure you’re clear on your motives. Look after your heart.
3. Everyone’s a bit different, but you may find for the first couple of months you prefer to not socialise too much. Going out as a single woman again can most definitely add to your heartbreak. My advice is to gradually get yourself back out there. I don’t mean back on the dating scene (unless you feel ready to of course), but in the company of friends rather than watching rom coms at home and devouring a block of chocolate. Be careful not to dig yourself a black hole of solitude for too long as this will only make you feel worse.
4. Boy oh boy do I wish I knew about energy healing when I was going through my devastating breakup at the tender age of 23. I’m certain that the 6+ years it took for me to get over him would have been drastically shortened! Learn from me, beauty. It doesn’t need to take this long, there’s things you can do to lesson the pain and move on with a heart in one piece. My favourites are Kinesiology and Reiki. I also recommend looking into energetic ‘chord cutting’.
5. I find the saying…’the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’, a bit tacky and insensitive. Maybe for the blokes out there this is easy to do, but not so much for us gals. BUT, I do agree that getting yourself in the mindset for dating again (when the time is right – this doesn’t need to be rushed) is a very good thing to do. You may not feel like getting close to a man again depending on the level of hurt or lack of trust you may be experiencing, but you can totally work on your mindset and perhaps go on a few casual dates to feel appreciated and spoiled by someone again. It doesn’t need to become serious, but you may find just being in the company of a man again lifts your confidence and spirits.
6. Work on your inner happiness. I believe many of us place expectations on others to bring us happiness, rather than working on ways to bring ourselves happiness. Let go of the thought that you need to be in a relationship to feel happy…it ‘aint true. Being in a mutually loving relationship most definitely ADDS happiness to your life, but if you’re not truly happy within yourself, no relationship will make you completely happy. Start with asking yourself the question, ‘what does happiness mean to me?’
7. Fall in love with yourself, first. I’ve left the most important point till last. This is actually the main thing I work on with my clients who come to me for my ‘love-seeker’ coaching package. Self-love is paramount in getting over a breakup and eventually calling in love from another. Pa-ra-mount. It’s very common for your self-confidence and self-esteem to take a massive blow after a breakup. You may be experiencing all types of negative emotions such as feeling unloveable, unattractive and unworthy. It is so important, gorgeous, that you work on increasing your self-love muscle so it is big and strong. Everything changes when you love yourself. Trust me.
A couple of other tips:
- You may find deleting your ex from Facebook (and your phone) fairly early on a very brave and wise thing to do. I know it’s really hard and painful, but it will help you move on faster.
- Amp up your self-care. Do things that really support you and make you feel good about yourself. This could be getting a facial and massage, changing your hairstyle, buying yourself a new outfit, hitting the gym…whatever makes you feel beautiful and happy is perfect.
I hope this post has been helpful. If you’d like to add anything, I’d love to hear from you. Leave your comments below.
Image found here.